Where Do Men Go to Be Held?

In my practice, about 75% of my clients are women.

The other 25% are men, and a good portion of those men show up in couples therapy, not on their own.

That alone says something.

Because when I sit with men one-on-one and ask a simple question.
“What are your outlets? What spaces do you have?”

The answer is usually… thin.

Some have hobbies.
Some have a group tied to something like a fraternity, sports league, or work circle.

But when we slow it down, most of those spaces stay on the surface.
There’s activity… but not always connection.
There’s conversation… but not always honesty.
There’s presence… but not always healing.

And that’s the gap.

Women Have Spaces. Men Have Expectations.

Women, especially in this generation, have built spaces.

We have group chats, therapy, women’s groups, brunches that turn into life conversations, prayer circles, accountability partners. We process. We vent. We cry. We reflect. We challenge each other. We heal out loud.

Men?

Men are often given expectations instead of spaces.

Be strong.
Handle it.
Figure it out.
Don’t complain.
Don’t look weak.

So what happens?

A lot of men learn how to function… without ever learning how to process.

What I See Behind the Scenes

When men do come to therapy, especially individually, there’s often more underneath the surface than people realize.

I see:

• Men who are overwhelmed but don’t have language for it
• Men carrying pressure as providers with no place to put the weight down
• Men who want connection but don’t know how to build it
• Men who have never been taught emotional regulation, only emotional suppression

And then there are the coping strategies.

Because if there’s no healthy outlet, something else will step in.

Misplaced Outlets vs. Misplaced Purpose

Let’s be real.

Some of the issues we see:
overdrinking, gambling, compulsive sex, porn use, avoidance—

aren’t just “bad habits.”

They’re often misplaced outlets.

And deeper than that, sometimes they’re tied to misplaced purpose.

When a man doesn’t feel grounded in who he is, where he’s going, or what he’s building, that energy doesn’t just disappear. It goes somewhere.

Into distraction.
Into escape.
Into control.
Into temporary relief.

But those things don’t restore him.
They just delay what actually needs to be faced.

The Stigma Is Still Loud

We can’t talk about this without naming it.

There is still a stigma around men and healing.

Therapy is still seen by some as weakness.
Vulnerability is still confused with lack of masculinity.
Emotional awareness is still not taught early enough.

So instead of men being invited into deeper spaces, they’re often left to navigate life internally and alone.

That isolation shows up somewhere. Every time.

So What Needs to Shift?

This isn’t about turning men into something they’re not.

This is about expanding what’s available to them.

Men need:

• Spaces where they can talk without being judged or minimized
• Relationships that go beyond jokes, sports, and surface updates
• Language for what they feel—not just what they do
• Permission to be honest without feeling like they’re losing their edge

This is not just on men to figure out alone.

We need more intentional spaces created for men and by men that center growth, accountability, and healing...not just performance.

A Question Worth Sitting With

If you’re a man reading this, I want you to really consider:

Where do you go to be honest?
Not impressive. Not strong. Not “good.”
Just honest.

And if the answer is nowhere…
that’s not something to ignore. That’s something to address.

Because having a space doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you supported.

Final Thoughts

We’ve done a lot of work creating spaces for women to heal, grow, and be seen.

Men deserve that too.

Not as a trend.
Not as a reaction.
But as a necessity.

Because when men don’t have spaces to process, it doesn’t just affect them.
It shows up in their relationships, their families, their habits, and their health.

And if we’re serious about overall wellness,
we can’t keep overlooking that.

✨ Stay tuned, and as always, take what resonates and leave the rest.