You Keep Calling It Overthinking
One of the most common things I hear when clients first start therapy with me is:
“I’m an overthinker.”
And sometimes… yes, anxiety, trauma, fear, perfectionism, or hypervigilance can absolutely create racing thoughts and mental exhaustion.
But a lot of times, once we really start unpacking it, what it actually boils down to is this:
You already know.
You know the relationship feels off.You know the friendship has become draining.You know the job is costing you your peace.You know the habit is hurting you.You know the conversation that needs to happen.You know the boundary that should’ve been set six months ago.
But instead of trusting your gut, your instinct, your discernment… you start negotiating with yourself.
That’s where the overthinking starts.
Overthinking Is Sometimes Delayed Decision-Making
A lot of people think overthinking means they are being analytical, wise, careful, or emotionally intelligent.
Sometimes it’s actually avoidance with a prettier name.
Because if you can stay in your head long enough, you can delay discomfort.
You can:
- avoid grieving
- avoid disappointing people
- avoid confrontation
- avoid accountability
- avoid change
- avoid uncertainty
So the brain keeps searching for more evidence, more reassurance, more signs, more conversations, more confirmation.
Not because the answer is unclear.
But because the answer comes with a cost.
Your Body Usually Knows Before Your Mind Admits It
One thing I often point out to clients is this:
Your body has usually already responded long before your mind catches up.
You start feeling:
- emotionally exhausted
- irritable
- disconnected
- anxious
- resentful
- mentally preoccupied
- overstimulated
- numb
- physically tense
And yet you’ll still say:“But I’m trying to figure out what to do.”
Truthfully, many people are not trying to figure out what to do.
They’re trying to figure out how to avoid feeling guilty for doing it.
That’s different.
We’ve Been Taught to Distrust Ourselves
A lot of us were raised to override ourselves.
To be “nice.”To keep the peace.To be accommodating.To endure.To give people endless chances.To stay loyal to situations that are no longer healthy simply because we invested time, love, effort, history, or identity into them.
Especially for women, many of us were conditioned to second guess ourselves while simultaneously carrying emotional labor for everybody else.
So now when your intuition speaks clearly, you call it “overthinking.”
When sometimes it’s actually discernment trying to get your attention.
Overthinking Creates Mental Noise
The hard part about overthinking is that eventually you become disconnected from your own clarity.
You start collecting opinions from everybody:
- friends
- social media
- podcasts
- coworkers
- family
- strangers online
And now you’re carrying so much mental noise that you can’t even hear yourself anymore.
Meanwhile your gut has been whispering the same thing the entire time.
So What Helps?
Not impulsive decision-making.Not “cut everybody off.”Not pretending emotions don’t matter.
What helps is learning how to slow down enough to separate:
- fear from intuition
- anxiety from discernment
- guilt from responsibility
- attachment from alignment
And that takes honesty.
Real honesty.
Not the kind where we can explain everybody else’s behavior while avoiding our own patterns.
The kind where we admit:
- this relationship no longer fits
- this version of me is exhausted
- this coping skill is harming me
- this situation keeps repeating because I keep participating in it
That level of honesty is uncomfortable.
But it’s also freeing.
Final Thought
Sometimes overthinking is not a lack of answers.
It’s resistance to the answers we already have.
And healing is not always learning how to think more.
Sometimes it’s learning how to trust yourself enough to stop arguing with what you already know.
✨ Stay tuned, and as always, take what resonates and leave the rest.